i’ve superimposed the face of someone i love, on your body.
Archive for December, 2004
bag lady
Sunday, December 12th, 2004wisdom
Sunday, December 12th, 2004my advice is always good.
and if i were anyone else, i would certainly take it.
Getting To Go
Sunday, December 12th, 2004McDonald’s standard bathroom policy is that you must purchase something in order to use the restroom. But if you need to use the bathroom bad enough to want to use a McDonald’s Bathroom, then you obviously don’t need anything more to eat or drink!
They should let you go to the bathroom first, and then try to hit you up for a purchase after that. Or sell gift certificates. Or they could just put ‘bathroom use’ on the menu, and charge something for it. They could even value price it (along with a picture) in their menu section…
I can see the menu board now: ‘Number 1′, ‘Number 2′, or a ‘Combo’!
but then we would call it wallpaper??
Saturday, December 11th, 2004sometimes i use toilet paper to blow my nose when i can’t find any tissues.
and you can always find toilet paper, since it’s permanently mounted on the bathroom wall.
so here’s my idea-
put those toilet paper brackets on the various walls throughout your house.
in your bedroom above your bed. on the wall next to your couch.
next to the paper towels in the kitchen (for the smaller jobs).
in your bedroom above your bed. on the wall next to your couch.
next to the paper towels in the kitchen (for the smaller jobs).
this is gonna be huge… kleenex’s evil tissue empire is about to get a nasty little blow… unless they also make toilet paper. which they probably do. i mean, it would make good business sense.
dinner time
Saturday, December 11th, 2004best way to make sure you save room for dessert is to eat it first.
ER
Saturday, December 11th, 2004you know when someone is crying, but it’s on the inside, people console them and stuff.
but when you are bleeding, but it’s on the inside, then people tell you that you have internal bleeding and they rush you to a hospital.
word!
Friday, December 10th, 2004so it’s kind of nice like not being so busy and all. i’ve had a lot of free time recently.
it’s cool though because i spend most of that time just, like, being really rad and stuff, you know.
12 steps to employment
Friday, December 10th, 2004i am still putting myself out there every day looking for a job…
i’m not really worried about the drug-testing that employers do.
just glad that they don’t do Wine-Cooler or Beer testing…
P R N D 1 2 3
Friday, December 10th, 2004I wish there were more traffic problems due to chinese fire drills.
Because then we could take some preventative measures and everything would be fine.
incredibles
Friday, December 3rd, 2004my superhero skill is my toaster timing.
any darkness. on any toaster.
i can be off doing my thing, and then casually stroll back to the toaster just as the toast is about to pop up.
i can be off doing my thing, and then casually stroll back to the toaster just as the toast is about to pop up.
now i’ve been wracking my brain, and honestly, i don’t know where to put this on my resume.